I have read countless number of books trying to figure out the concept of love and how it works. People have different journeys when it comes to love, from why they actually fall inlove to who they fall inlove with and when they decide that they no longer want to be in love. We as individuals often don’t understand these journeys and we often judge people based on what we see from the outside. Our perception and understanding of the term love differs because of learnt behaviours from when we were young. Love is learnt from a young age, the people you grow around are the biggest influence in your life when it comes to the way you love or perceive love.
If you have been following my previous posts you would know that I come from a rather dysfunctional polygamous family where love is almost non existent but a system for raising children and living together as a family. Expressions of affection whether Physical or emotional are seen as bizarre or foreign. I grew up in a family set up where tenderness and satisfaction of the needs of the other was absent or rather shared behind closed doors. There is this thing with Zulu men that if they show compassion to their partners it is seen as a sign of weakness and is shameful to the community at large. There is no desire for shared activities between two partners which almost makes me wonder how they come to making so many children and still remain firm in freely showing no intermacey towards each other.
-Black woman have always been magic.
-Zulu black woman lead as magicians.
I may not have a very strong foundation of love but the more “woke” I become the more I understand what it means to love n be loved in return. I have put so many years into this whole self love and healthy relationship with self thing that it takes alot for me to give into anything that doesn’t feel right. People are so Brocken out there and they are not even aware of it 🤞 before you know you are coght up in something that that has absolutely nothing to do with your growth. Choosing to be healthier is difficult but we are still entitled to love and gentleness when in the process. People often call it selfishness and isolation but it is important to know that you’re not entitled to their understanding.
I have had a couple of friendship and relationships that meant alot to me end Simply because I have never been one to settle or compromise. Having principles and knowing your worth is important when you’re in a long term healing journey. I have never felt entitled to anybody’s love and this has helped to easily let go of people who comes to my life without good intentions.
Please don’t get me wrong I love love, I am an easy going individual, adaptive and fun to be around but that doesn’t mean I want to be reckless and put myself in situations where my principles would be questioned. I cringe at the thought of heartbreak and I immediately remind myself that even if it takes me a lifetime to find true love I will always be satisfied with myself, even though my worst fear is hitting the age of thirty without having to live the dream of going on long drives with the love of my life while playing Rick Rocks “Aston Martin music”track on full blast. I know that dreams delayed are not dreams denied.
Thank you for being here ❣️