Youre tired aint you?

Yes you, im asking you don’t ignore me this its important.oh dear, why is your heart so weary? why are you so scared to find out whats on the other side? you think it will kill you dont you? but what if i told you that you have died a million times already without even realising it huh, would you believe me?

You probably thinking ive lost it right? like why is she rumbling so much right now🤔 i mean for those who know me personally they know I’m not about puzzles and riddles.

I know💁‍♂️ i suprise myself too sometimes like what the hell? why does my mind run wild sometimes.To be honest with you i dont know where im going with this, this is what sitting at the backseat of a taxi that doesnt seem like it will get full anytime soon does to you, you end up writting wedding vows for a husband you havent even met but i thought let me put this free time to good use and let you feed off the little energy i have left before working on a Sunday.Ever woken up full of positive energy and good vibes only🤔 where you feel like youre ready to conqure the world and then you take your first two steps and it still feels like Yes this is it ” i am on it” 🤗 hell, i buy myself wine and start celebrating, i know for a fact that it takes alot to reach that level of contentment because if you have anxiety as your friend you would know this feeling doesnt last for as long as we would like.i know you get me, there are days where you wake up each morning and greet your parner whether it is by an sms or with the biggest smile on your face (for those fortunate enough to wake up next to their love) because you feel like you have so much love to give. You draft your business plan and start asking people for advice on how you can actually execute it and you already see it happening. You walk out of your house and start greeting strangers because you feel like the world dederves a better version of you. You spread love without complaining about getting any of it back. You go out donating your time and belongings to the needy because you feel like your cup is full enough to pour for others in need. You check up on your friends and you make plans to see them soon. You call the familly, even those distant relatives that cant wait to attent your funeral. You walk into your workplace and start spreading love because you know the rest of your colleagues might be having it harder than you do. You pour out your heart to that someone you love so much even though you know it will all be in vain but you do it anyway because life is too short not to fall inlove.Ok enough with that, how about this;Have you ever i mean really, I’m weeping already as i think about thisHave you ever opened your eyes in the morning and thought oh Lord I’m still in this world.Do you know the days where you just want to wake and go to bed again. where you feel like the world would be better off without you. have you ever sat at a public place and thought hhayi No this has got to be a joke, this cant be the life you’re living. have you ever felt like love and relationships are for people who have their lives blooming and your situation makes it a little harder to love genuinely and you have too many other things that needs your attention.😣 Have you ever ignored your relatives phone calls because you felt like your fawl mood would dumpen theirs too and you dont want to be that person. I have taken routes that take longer to reach my destinstins just to avoid seeing farmilar faces and having to pretend that it was nice seeing them. I would lock myself in the room for as long as i need to just to shelter the little wit i have left in me ( i know you you have been here too, hence i used “I”)I know its crazy right😟 i mean to think that we go through these adjustments in our daily lives and we dont even realise how much impact it has on us.You probaly think i ramble too much sometimes dont you😊Yeah i know, iv heard that quite alot actually which is funny given the darkness that grows daily inside of me i still manage to hide it so well.If you stumbled upon this post and made a home on my blog let me tell you something;Ok well for some you probably know this already but i will tell you anyway🤷‍♀️There’s no such thing as an easy life but people hide their issues so well that you think they have it all together. You need to stop thinking that the universe owes you anything because it doesnt.Also stop stressing about growing old at that job your hate you’re gona tire yourself before your big break can actually come to life. If you hate it quit and find something that would stress you less.quit worrying about what the next person thinks about the way you live your life especially if they dont feed nor fund your dreams. Those devils will keep you at the rock bottom with their valueless opinions.leave that relationship that doesnt motivate you to be a better person, doent make you happy, doent take you to the bank or doesnt uplift your spirit. Start living for yourself. Start associating with people that have the same vision as you. Stop counting the years you have spent nursing a relationship or frindship and using that logic to stay in unhealthy affairs with people. learn to let go of things that doesnt contribute anything towards your wellbeing. You will not die!I woke feeling emotional today, its one of those days where i really dont want to communicate whats inside of me. I wana lie down and have it eat me up while i sip on a glass of dry red wine. I wana stay indoors and have no contact with the outside world because i feel i have endured more disappointments than i can take in one life next week would be better though ( i am speaking this into existence).I am sorry if i had lost you along the way. my enxiety squanders me too sometimes.What i actually wanted to say was that…Whatever it is that youre doing, keep at it and remember why you started.Love and light.

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